JoannaSpeaks

Hello, all! I apologize for my absence for the past…like month… BUT I HAVE A GOOD EXCUSED ABSENCE. Steven has left for boot camp to become a MARINE on the 7^th. Since then, my puppy dog got very very sick and her cancer came back and spread. I had to make a very very tough decision because I didn’t want her to suffer anymore. Along with that, I had to study for finals which started this week. So, I’ve been dealing with a lot the past couple of weeks.

The first rule of writing letters to recruits is to keep EVERYTHING positive. AKA, do NOT NOT NOT tell him that you’ve been extremely anxious, depressed and lonely because of the loss of your boyfriend and your dog within the same week. So, I’ve been writing letters since the day he left and I only filled them with positive, kind, supportive and exciting words. I forced him to leave his favorite flannel and cologne with me while he was gone. So, yes, I’ve been drenching his flannel with the cologne and wrapping myself with it to sleep in every night. It’s just as pathetic as it sounds.

Any who, I got my FIRST LETTER YESTERDAY!!!! I was shaking and screaming and crying.  His actual handwriting was on the envelope! He held the same letter in his hand that I had in my hands! I was so excited to hear from him. While his letter was mostly negative and all about him missing me, it warmed my heart to know he was thinking of me and that he thinks of me when he needs motivation. He requested that I write letters to him every day. So, I’ve been writing him every day. Time is going by SO SLOW, yet SO FAST. Facebook support groups have helped A L O T. It’s so comforting to listen to other people’s stories while they listen to yours. The support is unreal.

I’ve been using this time to become a better me. I’ve been working out and figuring out who I really am, besides Steven Callahan’s girlfriend. I always knew that I was more than that, obviously, but I’ve lost touch. I stopped playing the piano, meditating, Hanging out with my friends, and the list goes on. None of this was because I started dating Steven. It was because of my anxiety. I stopped these things because I could only really focus on one thing at a time to avoid being anxious. I focused on school and work. I got so caught up that I forgot to be me in between. This is my time to fix it and bring myself back to normal! Will update soon. Thanks for reading!

Xoxo, Joanna.