JoannaSpeaks

Ah, winter semester. The time of the year when there's not enough chapstick or coffee in the world. As I mentioned before, getting motivated to be productive can be quite the struggle. Last semester, I cleared off my desk and told myself no more homework in bed! My bed is a sacred place made for crucial naps and netflix. Physically sitting myself in my desk means work time. Sitting on my bed automatically switches my brain into relax mode. AKA nothing gets done at all. Here are a few things I keep around my desk to keep me organized and motivated.

I am now a sophomore in college. A very confused, scared, anxious, and angry sophomore in college. Usually, when someone is asked the infamous question, "What do you see yourself doing in the next five years?" Their response is usually a well thought out life plan or at least what they hope to be doing. But me, I  have no idea. I thought I did. Then I met my boyfriend who really changed things. He's a few years older than me, (I'm 19, and he's 22) so we're at two completely different parts in life. He's ready to settle down, move out of state, and start chasing his dreams. I'm still a confused, scared, anxious and angry sophomore in college.
See, I want to be an actress. When in highschool, everyone made it out to be that your only option after graduation would be college or the military. Get good grades, score high on the SATS, pack up and move into a cold dorm room with a stranger. In my opinion, Highschools ACT like they care what you do after highschool. But once graduation hits, they drop you off and hope for the best. COLLEGE IS NOT FOR EVERYONE.

 I was under the impression that if I didn't get into a decent college or university, that I was  a loser, and stupid. Sure enough, graduation came along, I still didn't know what to do with my life, where to go, who to hang out with, nothing. All my friends packed up and left, time ran out and I settled for community college. I started medical classes so that I could eventually be certified in Sonography and become an ultrasound technician. HAHA fail. Literally. So I just now decided to get a major in communications. That way I could possibly find jobs in the field that I want to be in, and take my acting classes on the side and maybe land a few auditions. This is the current plan. I eventually want to move out with my boyfriend and advance onto bigger and better auditions. 

But do you know how scary that is?! With no job, or any clue on what it's like to be on your own? Anxiety express, population: 1. Highschool didn't prepare me for this. They didn't tell me there was a good chance that I wouldn't be able to hide in a dorm room for four years so that I didn't have to decide right away. They morph you into thinking the same way as everyone else.  Every corner you turn, you feel like you're being judged by the entire hall. That's enough to change who you are to avoid the terror of being disliked or your peers disapproving of you. Somehow, I dodged that hypnosis and remained human. (Not saying people who attend college aren't human). College is simply not for everybody. Not going to college doesn't make you stupid, pathetic, or a loser.
 
I was under the impression that college was my only option. I bullshitted my way throughout highschool because I didn't want to learn from text books. I want to learn through people. I want to learn through their energy and their experiences and their love and wisdom. I want to learn through the mountains and the cities and I want to learn through LIVING. Even though I know this is how I want to live/learn, highschool still morphed my brain into believing that school is my main priority. (It is very important) but so is self experience. If you do not want to go to college, it doesn't make you a bad person. But don't sit at home day after day rewatching old netflix movies and getting high. Get up and make some of your dreams come true! Make people smile! Get a job that you ENJOY. Live live live.